Andrew (Andy) Pagana

Posted by AndyFan: In a clerical error of massive proportions, it seems as if I have missed my deadline for one of this weeks posts here on andypagana.com. Not that I don’t have a slew of material to pull from, but as with most fine wines (yes, Andy would be the fine wine in this metaphor), the stories need time to breath. You never know who they may indict. So in an urgent wee hours of the morning call Andy politely informed me (read, told me even though he don’t pay me) that I need to “get one up there.” This is one of those instances where you have to know Andy in order to truly appreciate him (read, stare at in unbelievable awe) as he speaks to you as a minion of his whimsical bidding (this blog when we are funny). No sooner was my launching of this blog, along with my single handedly convincing Google to find Andrew first in the worldwide quest to find Andy Pagana information, raised to mythic status than was my number one AndyFan position put in jeopardy by a momentary lack of calendar. But, as Andy pointed out, it’s not what we can do for him, it’s what we can do for him right now. And right now I have to start on tomorrows post.

Posted by AndyFan: In an effort to show all sides of our favorite friend Andy, AndyFan must admit that we were informed recently by those close to Andy that we may not be presenting the more serious side of Andrew. The subtle and sensitive side. The side he is apparently not prone to show too often. This reaction of course begged the question, Is there a more serious side of Andy Pagana? Small as is it may be, we found that yes, there actually is.

But as we conjured a witty response and thought for days or hours or minutes about the subject we came to the conclusion that THIS IS THE SERIOUS side of Andy, just topped with a whole lot of whipped cream, a sprinkle of cocoa and one big giant fat cherry. What could be more serious than exposing himself to the millions? He is competing with 117 million other blogs after all. And that doesn’t include China. And this is just the number of people who think what they have to say is important, let alone the number of people who think reading what complete strangers think is important is important. (I’m confused!) Nothing could be more serious than a blog. And in only a week he is winning the war on blogs—his is the first listed when you type in Andy Pagana into Google. Number one in just a week. And we weren’t even trying.

It was in fact a very serious moment when he finally turned to me and said, I want a blog. Ok, he called me, and it was a little flippant and I wasn’t sure I should do anything, but he eventually called again and said, “No, seriously, I want a blog. How do we do make that happen?” See, he said the word seriously.  He doesn’t have time for this. I certainly don’t have time for this. But this is very serious, so we are wasting our time on this. And a lot of it.

If this still does not drive the point home consider this alternative. He dropped his serious side outside Warshington and it’s been roaming endlessly for years. We are tirelessly looking for it and thought that by setting up a blog we would have an international beacon to call it home. If anyone sees a very small, but serious, side of a human being, not attached to the rest of said human being, please log it on to computer, type in the words andy pagana in the google search bar and post a comment on its behalf. The rest of Andy is waiting. Seriously.

The sun is out. It’s in the eighties. I feel energized. I feel free. It makes me wanna get out of the office, roll the windows down in the car and just drive… as my friends throw rancid fruit and dairy at road signs.

Posted by AndyFan: Hello Andy Fans! It is with the utmost pride and jubilation that we can announce the completion of the circle. On this very day we have surpassed all other Andy Pagana references to be the very first listing on Google. Though not sure why you would, since you are already here, if you type the simple, unadulterated words andy pagana into the Google search bar you will come right back here. Try it a few times, it’s fun. We could not have put less effort into such worldwide success. Andy is proud. However he did ask us who the hell Andy Pagano is, and if there was anything we could do to rid the world of his Google presence? We will see what we can do.

She was eight years old. The date was March 17, 2008. It went like this, word for word…

Little girl: What’s the best day of your life?

Andy: Tomorrow

Little girl: But you don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow.

Andy: I know…

Little girl: Is that why it’s the best? Because you think something magical might happen?

Andy: Yes.

Little girl: You’re using your imagination too much.

Posted by AndyFan: Andy was spotted in San Francisco Saturday night, eating dinner and getting his drink on. AndyFan is a little worried as Andy is not known to be able to hold his alcohol very well—stories of him crawling around on all fours barking like a dog, dressing up in spandex while running through suburban New York neighborhoods, and video of him in a wig singing like a girl have all appeared in the tabloids. We hope that he doesn’t end up getting fined for public indecency while up north, though he would probably add that to his list of lifetime accomplishments. AndyFan was told that the Grand Marquis (it’s red, or marooooon) is parked on a steep hill, thus preventing Andy from aquiring it before first walking off the alcohol, slowly. We are sure he is wishing he had purchased that Segway. Can you lean up hill and fall backwards at the same time on one of those things?

Sleep tight Warshingten!

Posted by AndyFan: From a text in the early am.

andyfan: I need a confirmed sighting. stop.

andy: I can see me. stop.

andyfan: where? stop.

andy: right here. stop.

andyfan: thank you. stop

Posted by AndyFan: I am not sure how many times I can say “rumor has it” before it gets over-used, but seeing as how we are on opposite coasts, it’s all just rumor until I get word from a reliable source. And no, Andy is not a reliable source, even when it comes to his own life. Don’t even get me started on what his sister is up to lately.

So, rumor has it that Andy was seen leaving town late last night heading north. No confirmations on this just yet, but maybe he is getting some much deserved R&R, apparently the universe owes him. So, Californians, keep an eye out for a Grand Marquis leaving a path of awe behind it. It’s a beige Grand Marquis, no, it’s blue, or was it red, oh balls, just look for a fast moving, double talking, over-sized car, bearing New York license plates, heading north out of LA with a boyish driver, screaming (he calls it signing) at the top of his lungs (more than likely something from the repertoire of Bert, Ernie or any one of the Beatles). He moves fast, sometimes even faster than the car. From your passenger rear view mirror, pronounced meer, it looks like the image below. Remember, objects in meer are bigger than they appear, especially when driving through Warshingten.

Sorry, closer, they are closer than they appear. Oh just watch out! He may single handedly save the US auto industry one day.

Oh Andy, My Andy!

This is my Grandma. And it’s a picture from my favorite, self made, game…  “Can you figure out why Granma looks so annoyed? You get three guesses.  Stay tuned, there will be more on Gram.

nor do I go and see one. Nor have I ever. So when I refer to ‘my hypnotherapist’, I refer to a very dear friend of mine who gives me advice. Well, I’m not sure if he gives me advice. It sounds like advice but I often hear him say ‘Advice is the worst vice”, whatever that means. Maybe he just guides me. I know he gets frustrated when I don’t listen to the things he suggests for my life. Or when I must have him repeat things. Apparently, I have a memory issue. And from what I have learned from my hypnotherapist (see… I am learning), there is a direct correlation between anxiety and memory.

Now, I will leave it at that because that may suggest that I actually have anxiety, and for my fans out there that may be like pulling back the curtain to see the man behind The Wizard. (And on a side note to my hypnotherapist, how can you diagnose me with having a poor memory due to anxiety, then get upset with me for not remembering your hypnotherapist equivalent to advice?) See folks, sometimes he speaks to me harshly, justifying what I would call abuse, by saying “it’s like basic training, or boot camp, on an open heart”). (Hmmmm… I’m no longer sure I know what that means.) But I do think it is done out of love so I am indebted to him for it.

Andyway, back to the point.

Although my teachers throughout my life have repeatedly told me that I am the smartest kid in the room (The exact words have always been “I can’t teach you anything”) my hypnotherapist has indeed, taught me a lot. And it has even been, on some occasions, useful. Therefore, for lack of anything else to say, I will depart some of this knowledge for the good of all mankind. (I think he would say “for the good of the universe” but I am not ready to make that claim, nor am I gonna look out for the universe. I think the universe, if anything should be looking out for me.) So, in no particular order, here is a small sample…

* Never experiment in time travel and fall in love at the same time. (This has something to do with entity latch-ons. I’m not sure, but it doesn’t sound good).

* Live your life on the cause side of the spectrum, not the effect side. This will help you manifest your reality, instead of allowing it to play out. Basically, “Trust in God, but tie your horse”. (Or, maybe he said ‘tie your whores’).

* Fortune favors the prepared.

* Instead of holding onto people who have moved on or passed, give them a blessing to go. Set them free. Think of them as a gelatinous fluid in your palm. If you squeeze too tight… (I’m not sure how to end this thought but I think you get the picture)

* Do not presuppose the word ‘clearly’ in anything you ever say. (Actually, this is specific to me, as he says I’m never truly actually clear)

* Do not speak, or even joke about, underwater ghost aliens.

* There are four pillars to a balanced life – Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

* Worry is a wasted emotion.

* Fear is a gift if you channel it properly.

* Acceptance is the ultimate way of forgiveness.

* Green is the color of the heart chakra.

* Greek women generally don’t have good calves.

* The price of ammo is about to go up. And the amount of ammunition of the shelves on our stores could be an indication of the direction of the financial state of our country.

* Wear a crown of honesty on your quest for truth.

* You need to rebuild your forces after a defeat so you can win the next battle.

* Power Yoga, hypnotherapy and acupuncture will… do something… I don’t remember this one too much… damn.

* If you’re not sure if you want to go do something, analyze your energy so you can channel your higher self. (Is this right?)

* Anger and hate are not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

* If you have a time machine, don’t let me (Andy) borrow it.

* A chimpanzee working on a Mercedes doesn’t work.