Andy Pagana

In the dictionary of idioms, on the page listing the phrase “love it or hate it,” you will find a demure photo of Andrew Pagana. There is no other like him. To know him is to either love him or, well, he just couldn’t bear to think of an alternative so we won’t even believe that there is. A very fragile ego, he is more creamy center than hard shell after all.

Born under a blue summer moon in the same year that both The Godfather Part II would win Best Picture and ABC, NBC, and CBS would create a family hour free of sex and violence, Andy was welcomed to a loving middle-class home, thus missing his first chance at fortune. Moments later he was asked to clean his room, beginning a life long struggle with the one he would call mother.

Making a move for a senate seat as the youngest running candidate in New York State history, his political career was cut short by a rogue videographer who caught Andy in what looked to be an uncompromising position with then Governor Mario Cuomo. The videographer and he would go on to become eternal friends, rekindling his desire to be not just rich, but rich and famous. There was no better suited place for this than Hollywood.

However, in yet another of the long list of unfortunate events preventing Andrew from acquiring his life’s desire of fame, riches and excess, just before buying his ticket to California he would pass on the option of sticking a small inheritance behind a then struggling Apple Computer and instead placing all of the money behind the expected summer blockbuster, Last Action Hero. He would leave the film’s premiere in a small mini-van with 13 other investors who spent the night hiding from the paparazzi. Less than a decade later Apple would release the iPod, highlighting his financial mistake as he calculated his potential profits to have been around $850. He would never open another birthday card from his grandmother again, instead placing them under his bed for a rainy day.

Regrouping and plotting out his path, Andy focused all of his attention on his career as an auteur. Being equally at home in both Los Angeles and New York, Andrew would cross the country an unprecedented 210 times in as many weeks. Though lIttle work was completed, he would acquire a passion for collecting Grand Marquis in his travels, amassing an unheard total of three of the giant autos. A museum was being planned in Esopus, New York to pay homage to both Andy and the cars until the building set to house them was mistaken for a controlled burn by a local volunteer fire department rookie. Worth more as a cleared lot, the property owner sold the real estate which is now home to the first Dunkin Donuts in Esopus.

Since 2007 Andy has been spending most of his time in California. Not one for the land of hybrids, fruits and nuts, he has gathered a small but strong group of like-minded talent that he transports in his current Grand Marquis scouting projects and locations for their next big break. He is an accomplished tuba player, illustrator, and bingo aficionado. He has written twelve books and is looking for someone who can read his hand writing to type them into the computer at a rate greater than one and a half words per minute. In his spare time he has been a peer mediator and volunteer fire-fighter. He is the co-founder of this blog, director of the first season of the international sensation Slangman’s World, the most underpaid voice of the first season of ABCs Wipeout, and is currently working on several projects of his own creation. He can be reached at

From Charlie’s Interstate Dictionary of Idiomatic Expressions…