Apr 10 2009

Yes, indeed… good work, boys!

schwartzycard

For those of you paying attention, and that should be all of you, I took a trip to San Francisco with another guy and our hypnotherapist. Now, the three of us together, at least according to our business cards, are known as ‘two guys and a hypnotherapist’. To me, it seems pretty straight forward. For others, it is confusing. So I will explain it here. I, am a guy. Schwartzy, is a guy. Hunter, is a hypnotherapist. And, together, we are two guys and hypnotherapist. (Didn’t I just say this?)

On our cards we have emails that very few people, as of today, have used. But we did get an email form our northern trip the other day. Schwartzy got it to be exact. He forwarded it on…

So here it is from Schwartzy…

” Good work boys – we confused the hell out of her:”

Begin forwarded message:

From: (I will keep this private)

Date: April 7, 2009 4:39:49 PM PDT

To: schwartzyguyone@gmail.com

Subject: girl in pink dress on haight and steiner sunday

hello,

whats your story. you shouted you loved me.gave me your card. drove away. are you hypnotherapists? comediens? do you have a show or private practice i should see?

your cards need a web address…..

 


Apr 2 2009

I don’t actually OWN a hypnotherapist,

hypnotherapist2

nor do I go and see one. Nor have I ever. So when I refer to ‘my hypnotherapist’, I refer to a very dear friend of mine who gives me advice. Well, I’m not sure if he gives me advice. It sounds like advice but I often hear him say ‘Advice is the worst vice”, whatever that means. Maybe he just guides me. I know he gets frustrated when I don’t listen to the things he suggests for my life. Or when I must have him repeat things. Apparently, I have a memory issue. And from what I have learned from my hypnotherapist (see… I am learning), there is a direct correlation between anxiety and memory.

Now, I will leave it at that because that may suggest that I actually have anxiety, and for my fans out there that may be like pulling back the curtain to see the man behind The Wizard. (And on a side note to my hypnotherapist, how can you diagnose me with having a poor memory due to anxiety, then get upset with me for not remembering your hypnotherapist equivalent to advice?) See folks, sometimes he speaks to me harshly, justifying what I would call abuse, by saying “it’s like basic training, or boot camp, on an open heart”). (Hmmmm… I’m no longer sure I know what that means.) But I do think it is done out of love so I am indebted to him for it.

Andyway, back to the point.

Although my teachers throughout my life have repeatedly told me that I am the smartest kid in the room (The exact words have always been “I can’t teach you anything”) my hypnotherapist has indeed, taught me a lot. And it has even been, on some occasions, useful. Therefore, for lack of anything else to say, I will depart some of this knowledge for the good of all mankind. (I think he would say “for the good of the universe” but I am not ready to make that claim, nor am I gonna look out for the universe. I think the universe, if anything should be looking out for me.) So, in no particular order, here is a small sample…

* Never experiment in time travel and fall in love at the same time. (This has something to do with entity latch-ons. I’m not sure, but it doesn’t sound good).

* Live your life on the cause side of the spectrum, not the effect side. This will help you manifest your reality, instead of allowing it to play out. Basically, “Trust in God, but tie your horse”. (Or, maybe he said ‘tie your whores’).

* Fortune favors the prepared.

* Instead of holding onto people who have moved on or passed, give them a blessing to go. Set them free. Think of them as a gelatinous fluid in your palm. If you squeeze too tight… (I’m not sure how to end this thought but I think you get the picture)

* Do not presuppose the word ‘clearly’ in anything you ever say. (Actually, this is specific to me, as he says I’m never truly actually clear)

* Do not speak, or even joke about, underwater ghost aliens.

* There are four pillars to a balanced life – Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

* Worry is a wasted emotion.

* Fear is a gift if you channel it properly.

* Acceptance is the ultimate way of forgiveness.

* Green is the color of the heart chakra.

* Greek women generally don’t have good calves.

* The price of ammo is about to go up. And the amount of ammunition of the shelves on our stores could be an indication of the direction of the financial state of our country.

* Wear a crown of honesty on your quest for truth.

* You need to rebuild your forces after a defeat so you can win the next battle.

* Power Yoga, hypnotherapy and acupuncture will… do something… I don’t remember this one too much… damn.

* If you’re not sure if you want to go do something, analyze your energy so you can channel your higher self. (Is this right?)

* Anger and hate are not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

* If you have a time machine, don’t let me (Andy) borrow it.

* A chimpanzee working on a Mercedes doesn’t work.