Posted by AndyFan: Jordan it’s not you, really, it’s Andy. Apparently you have known him long enough to know this, but don’t believe half of what he says or any of what he does. I think that is right. If not, trust no one. Sorry, we could have been such good friends.
Posted by AndyFan: Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s early people of Wisconsin. Get it together. Line the streets. Make some signs. Don’t lose out like Kansas. Toto will bite you in the ass come Christmas. Let Andy know you love him. He won’t be in town long. Once he deals with his cattle, he is outta there. Off to Detroit. One last attempt to rectify the mistake that Ford will forever regret.
Posted by AndyFan: People always talk about the coasts being different from middle America. Well apparently you can’t get more in the middle of America than Kansas. You will see Kansas. One day you will see. And you will rue the day  you could have been the epicenter of greatness.
Posted by AndyFan: By some stroke of a holiday miracle, Andy and crew are traveling due west of the storm of the century (how long is that exactly, I missed that week in economics). Laying a blank canvas before him to write his name across America, Andy is half way home (and by half way we mean not sure where the hell he is but he isn’t stuck on the side of the road in some icy grave trying to determine who will break it to Jordan that if it comes down to it he will be the first sacrificed). For those watching the news, somehow like Noah (those are gonna be some fugly kids) our noble crew was able to get through the floods of California. Sorry Cali, you can’t put that one on the Captain, he has an alibi, Schwartzy was with him the whole time.
Posted by AndyFan: Apparently Andy is having other henchmen do his dirty work these days. What started out as a pre-breakfast outing turned into a post dinner express ride clear across the country. Sorry Arizona, I would have warned you if I had the time. Not being one to repeat the same ride twice, Andy has decided to do a little sight seeing on this adventure, details to follow. And to top it off he has a driver. No, Andy is still the Captain, but this holiday season he is riding in style, First Mate Jordan at the wheel and Celebrity Guest and sometime one of Two Guys, sometime half of the world’s greatest comedy duo, Schwartzy in the rear cabin. And while you would think that being able to keep his hands off the wheel for 15 seconds would give him the opportunity to wish AndyFan a Happy Kwanza, no, you would think wrong again. Not even taking the calls of his #1 Fan, Andy has passed on the duties of tormenting to Schwartzy, who makes Andy on his worst day look like Gandhi. In typical fashion, the level of expectation  of go-to-it-ness was displayed when Schwartzy, in need of some personal assistance, reached out to AndyFan (it’s the cheeks). Having less time then it takes Andy to inhale a D&D 20 oz  to check my email for the expected file, Schwartzy called back to tell me he got it done himself and my services were no longer needed, and since I was on the phone, my position was terminated. Finally for Andy, my lack of paying attention is paying off and he still had a blog slave.
Posted by AndyFan: …but I have been pissed since I was five years old that those stupid French movies didn’t have an animated pink cat throughout, so on with show. Rest in Peace Mr. Edwards, you would have liked Andy.
Actually, as much as I have always had the hots for Julie Andrews, I am sorry for the passing of her husband Blake Edwards today. (First Bob Feller…) After all, he’s the freakin’ guy who created the Pink Panther franchise, which has provided this Clouseau fan with countless hours of entertainment and inspiration. Thanks B.E.! I’m sorry you never had a chance to meet me… 🙁
As you all know, I hate sports. HATE!! (I’m using the word HATE here… ) But there has always been a soft spot in my heart for Jumpin’ Joe DiMaggio, The Brooklyn Dodgers, Mickey Mantle (Just because his name is Mickey — oh an Marilyn Monroe), the Yankess (of course) and Bob Feller. “Who the hell is Bob Feller?” you ask, I’m sure. Well, I have no idea how famous he was as a baseball player, but in the world of comedy, Bob Feller was lucky enough to have had Abbott and Costello do an entire bit about him on the famous “Who’s on First” radio broadcast of ‘The Abbott and Costello Show” sponsored by Camel Cigarettes. (Hahahaha) Here’s the end of the bit. I’m too lazy to transcribe the entire bit. (Where the hell are my interns? Or Andyfan?)
Abbott: His name is Feller! Feller! Bob Fellers! And when I say they’re’s only one Fellers on the team, that’s it. And the feller that pitches is Feller. There’s only… there’s other fellers on the team, but they’re’s uh… they’re’s only one Feller.
Costello: Boy, are you mixed up! Oh, you mean the feller that pitches is Feller and they’re’s other fellers on the team but they’re not Fellers.
Abbott: Now you grasp it!
Costello: Yes! I grasp it, but it keeps slipping out of my hand!
Anyway, today he died at 92 years old.