Andrew (Andy) Pagana

Posted by AndyFan: Andy was spotted in San Francisco Saturday night, eating dinner and getting his drink on. AndyFan is a little worried as Andy is not known to be able to hold his alcohol very well—stories of him crawling around on all fours barking like a dog, dressing up in spandex while running through suburban New York neighborhoods, and video of him in a wig singing like a girl have all appeared in the tabloids. We hope that he doesn’t end up getting fined for public indecency while up north, though he would probably add that to his list of lifetime accomplishments. AndyFan was told that the Grand Marquis (it’s red, or marooooon) is parked on a steep hill, thus preventing Andy from aquiring it before first walking off the alcohol, slowly. We are sure he is wishing he had purchased that Segway. Can you lean up hill and fall backwards at the same time on one of those things?

Sleep tight Warshingten!

Posted by AndyFan: From a text in the early am.

andyfan: I need a confirmed sighting. stop.

andy: I can see me. stop.

andyfan: where? stop.

andy: right here. stop.

andyfan: thank you. stop

Posted by AndyFan: I am not sure how many times I can say “rumor has it” before it gets over-used, but seeing as how we are on opposite coasts, it’s all just rumor until I get word from a reliable source. And no, Andy is not a reliable source, even when it comes to his own life. Don’t even get me started on what his sister is up to lately.

So, rumor has it that Andy was seen leaving town late last night heading north. No confirmations on this just yet, but maybe he is getting some much deserved R&R, apparently the universe owes him. So, Californians, keep an eye out for a Grand Marquis leaving a path of awe behind it. It’s a beige Grand Marquis, no, it’s blue, or was it red, oh balls, just look for a fast moving, double talking, over-sized car, bearing New York license plates, heading north out of LA with a boyish driver, screaming (he calls it signing) at the top of his lungs (more than likely something from the repertoire of Bert, Ernie or any one of the Beatles). He moves fast, sometimes even faster than the car. From your passenger rear view mirror, pronounced meer, it looks like the image below. Remember, objects in meer are bigger than they appear, especially when driving through Warshingten.

Sorry, closer, they are closer than they appear. Oh just watch out! He may single handedly save the US auto industry one day.

Oh Andy, My Andy!

This is my Grandma. And it’s a picture from my favorite, self made, game…  “Can you figure out why Granma looks so annoyed? You get three guesses.  Stay tuned, there will be more on Gram.

nor do I go and see one. Nor have I ever. So when I refer to ‘my hypnotherapist’, I refer to a very dear friend of mine who gives me advice. Well, I’m not sure if he gives me advice. It sounds like advice but I often hear him say ‘Advice is the worst vice”, whatever that means. Maybe he just guides me. I know he gets frustrated when I don’t listen to the things he suggests for my life. Or when I must have him repeat things. Apparently, I have a memory issue. And from what I have learned from my hypnotherapist (see… I am learning), there is a direct correlation between anxiety and memory.

Now, I will leave it at that because that may suggest that I actually have anxiety, and for my fans out there that may be like pulling back the curtain to see the man behind The Wizard. (And on a side note to my hypnotherapist, how can you diagnose me with having a poor memory due to anxiety, then get upset with me for not remembering your hypnotherapist equivalent to advice?) See folks, sometimes he speaks to me harshly, justifying what I would call abuse, by saying “it’s like basic training, or boot camp, on an open heart”). (Hmmmm… I’m no longer sure I know what that means.) But I do think it is done out of love so I am indebted to him for it.

Andyway, back to the point.

Although my teachers throughout my life have repeatedly told me that I am the smartest kid in the room (The exact words have always been “I can’t teach you anything”) my hypnotherapist has indeed, taught me a lot. And it has even been, on some occasions, useful. Therefore, for lack of anything else to say, I will depart some of this knowledge for the good of all mankind. (I think he would say “for the good of the universe” but I am not ready to make that claim, nor am I gonna look out for the universe. I think the universe, if anything should be looking out for me.) So, in no particular order, here is a small sample…

* Never experiment in time travel and fall in love at the same time. (This has something to do with entity latch-ons. I’m not sure, but it doesn’t sound good).

* Live your life on the cause side of the spectrum, not the effect side. This will help you manifest your reality, instead of allowing it to play out. Basically, “Trust in God, but tie your horse”. (Or, maybe he said ‘tie your whores’).

* Fortune favors the prepared.

* Instead of holding onto people who have moved on or passed, give them a blessing to go. Set them free. Think of them as a gelatinous fluid in your palm. If you squeeze too tight… (I’m not sure how to end this thought but I think you get the picture)

* Do not presuppose the word ‘clearly’ in anything you ever say. (Actually, this is specific to me, as he says I’m never truly actually clear)

* Do not speak, or even joke about, underwater ghost aliens.

* There are four pillars to a balanced life – Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

* Worry is a wasted emotion.

* Fear is a gift if you channel it properly.

* Acceptance is the ultimate way of forgiveness.

* Green is the color of the heart chakra.

* Greek women generally don’t have good calves.

* The price of ammo is about to go up. And the amount of ammunition of the shelves on our stores could be an indication of the direction of the financial state of our country.

* Wear a crown of honesty on your quest for truth.

* You need to rebuild your forces after a defeat so you can win the next battle.

* Power Yoga, hypnotherapy and acupuncture will… do something… I don’t remember this one too much… damn.

* If you’re not sure if you want to go do something, analyze your energy so you can channel your higher self. (Is this right?)

* Anger and hate are not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

* If you have a time machine, don’t let me (Andy) borrow it.

* A chimpanzee working on a Mercedes doesn’t work.

 

Posted by AndyFan: OK, so we talked with the man himself and apparently all is fine and things are on schedule over at Veritas, and we know he wouldn’t lie about that. It seems that in an effort to, well, exude less effort, Andy was trying out a Segway and bumped into Segway aficionado Steve Wozniak. Always one to go along for the ride (holy puns Batman!), Andy joined in for the ABC segment. So alas, he is not Steve’s new personal assistant nor is he battling it out with Anthony Michael Hall for the job. He was simply testing out a portable transport device that required nothing more than leaning. By the look on his face, it was not moving fast enough. Hall on the other hand looks as if, well, we’ll let you come up with some ideas about that. What was he doing there?

We also thought it worth mentioning, ABC has been trying to reach Mr. Pagana since the segment aired Monday night. Apparently Andy left his hat in the locker room after he recorded his episode of Wipeout last Spring and they have been trying to get it back to him. Andy, call ABC.

Live from Warshingten!