The Spirit of Andy Compells Him?

Posted by AndyFan: Sometimes no matter how wrong something is, we are just compelled to try it anyway. Even if so many before us have failed. We forge on with the thought that maybe, just maybe, everyone else wasn’t trying hard enough. Maybe, quite possibly, they didn’t know what they were doing. This blog, for instance, started on such a whim. “No, it won’t be much work,” he said. “Really,” he responded, “are you sure?” “Absolutely! A few times a week and that is it,” he replies, “And once we get going it will be really easy. Think of all the readers!” You can discuss amongst yourself who he is and who he is not, but we know, and we are pissed. However, neither one of us is a quitter. (Ok we procrastinate like hell, but did we say we were giving up? NO! So sit down!) And in spite of a long and drawn out intermission, one in which the theater goers may have fallen asleep on the john, AndyFan was compelled to jump back in the saddle (are you really in the saddle or are you on the saddle, it is one of the stupider phrases we have turned around here). Upon the late night conversation that occurred as AndyFan failed to avoid another one of Andy’s calls, thus failing two fold as Andy would point out, AndyFan was bestowed an epiphany. And then he had a thought. Andy is a mad genius.

It is at times like these that AndyFan is the proudest to be Fan of Andy. It is precisely these instances that bring about entire shifts in the Andy universe. The ONLY universe. Radical landscape changes. Andy is not one for landscapes but he does enjoy a portrait or two (wait until I tell you what is coming!). Now AndyFan doesn’t know much about art but be does feel honored when Andy shares his with AndyFan. Since I am only “hired” help he could care less what I have to say. Such was the case when Andy talked over AndyFan as AndyFan was endowing kind words upon Andy for his latest post impressionistic masterpiece. Before you judge Andy for his disregard of artistic compliments (more is never really enough) understand he too was having an epiphany. “Oils and acrylics.” he evanglicized. “They don’t mix,” I told him (having painted my share of walls, thank you very much). “I know, but I gotta see for myself.” “But Andy, you get so frustrated when things don’t work.” “I know, I know, but I am compelled to try.”

Ladies and gentlemen, there in lies the reason The Spirit of Andy Compels Me and perhaps even this blog exists. We were compelled, we had a thought and thought you would want to know what we were thinking about Andy, because, well, Andy is so compelling. The Spirit lives on.

I Got Nothin’ Dude

Posted By AndyFan: You expected more? Seriously? Can I ask what blog you have been reading all this time? Are you new? Really, you expected more? WE, are disappointed? You don’t want to see us disappointed. It is not pretty.

Good Morning Los Angeles!

Posted by AndyFan: That tremor in the force—the one the sent a ripple effect across the eastern seaboard over this past weekend and resulted in a sweltering 102 degree forecast for today—that wasn’t global warming or some mega storm. No. It was Andy. Andrew if you must. From Warshingten to Esopus, our fearless leader laid a path of mayhem up and down the right coast that will cost its citizens countless minutes of untold confusion, especially if you are in the employ of a Dunkin Donuts. Without warning the devastation started days ago. New Jersey will never be the same. On his way out of town he swung by Warshingten to pay me a little encouragement visit. I bid him adieu and felt it was my duty to warn you all.

Los Angeles. Andy should have just landed. We envy your good fortune.

Happy New Year, Warshingten!

Posted by AndyFan: As I sit in my cave, pondering my next critical move, a knock on the door awoke me from my dreams of worldwide domination. No it wasn’t the FBI. They don’t read this site, they’re far more concerned with greater threats. No, the knock on the door, which caused a little shudder in my spine, was in fact our fearless leader. As I turned out the lights and did my best Marcel Marceau, Andy hollers, “I know you are in there you moron, I saw the light go out. You can’t hide from me! What have you been doing for 6 months? Where are my posts? Where is my support? What do I not pay you for? What kind of minion are you?”

We continued this discourse for the next five or ten minutes. He talking to an “empty” and dark apartment, through a tiny peepholed door, and me finding my best fetal position under the lowest desk—I figured if he got in he certainly wouldn’t bend over to find me. We came to the “understanding” that I was in fact being given one more chance to live up to the whims of a man who builds expectations from the fancies of his day. If I did not post something before he returned to the West Coast then I would in fact suffer the wrath of one thousand lashings—in other words he would tie me to a chair and finally make me watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I turned on the light as his rental car pulled out of the parking lot. The horn blasted as if he knew.

“Thanks for the Memory, Record Guy” (Me and Bob Hope)

So I go into a record shop (yes, RECORDS) today and I ask the guy if he had any Skinnay Ennis albums and he said “I sold Bob Hope Skinnay Ennis albums. In fact, Bob Hope was the last person to ask me for Skinnay Ennis. I’m not sure why, but I got a kick out of that.

But We Just Met?

Posted by AndyFan: Jordan it’s not you, really, it’s Andy. Apparently you have known him long enough to know this, but don’t believe half of what he says or any of what he does. I think that is right. If not, trust no one. Sorry, we could have been such good friends.

Somewhere in Wisconsin

Posted by AndyFan: Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s early people of Wisconsin. Get it together. Line the streets. Make some signs. Don’t lose out like Kansas. Toto will bite you in the ass come Christmas. Let Andy know you love him. He won’t be in town long. Once he deals with his cattle, he is outta there. Off to Detroit. One last attempt to rectify the mistake that Ford will forever regret.

Kansas Blows

Posted by AndyFan: People always talk about the coasts being different from middle America. Well apparently you can’t get more in the middle of America than Kansas. You will see Kansas. One day you will see. And you will rue the day  you could have been the epicenter of greatness.

Usually it is the other way around.

Posted by AndyFan: By some stroke of a holiday miracle, Andy and crew are traveling due west of the storm of the century (how long is that exactly, I missed that week in economics). Laying a blank canvas before him to write his name across America, Andy is half way home (and by half way we mean not sure where the hell he is but he isn’t stuck on the side of the road in some icy grave trying to determine who will break it to Jordan that if it comes down to it he will be the first sacrificed). For those watching the news, somehow like Noah (those are gonna be some fugly kids) our noble crew was able to get through the floods of California. Sorry Cali, you can’t put that one on the Captain, he has an alibi, Schwartzy was with him the whole time.

You’re Fired

Posted by AndyFan: Apparently Andy is having other henchmen do his dirty work these days. What started out as a pre-breakfast outing turned into a post dinner express ride clear across the country. Sorry Arizona, I would have warned you if I had the time. Not being one to repeat the same ride twice, Andy has decided to do a little sight seeing on this adventure, details to follow. And to top it off he has a driver. No, Andy is still the Captain, but this holiday season he is riding in style, First Mate Jordan at the wheel and Celebrity Guest and sometime one of Two Guys, sometime half of the world’s greatest comedy duo, Schwartzy in the rear cabin. And while you would think that being able to keep his hands off the wheel for 15 seconds would give him the opportunity to wish AndyFan a Happy Kwanza, no, you would think wrong again. Not even taking the calls of his #1 Fan, Andy has passed on the duties of tormenting to Schwartzy, who makes Andy on his worst day look like Gandhi. In typical fashion, the level of expectation  of go-to-it-ness was displayed when Schwartzy, in need of some personal assistance, reached out to AndyFan (it’s the cheeks). Having less time then it takes Andy to inhale a D&D 20 oz  to check my email for the expected file, Schwartzy called back to tell me he got it done himself and my services were no longer needed, and since I was on the phone, my position was terminated. Finally for Andy, my lack of paying attention is paying off and he still had a blog slave.