Andrew (Andy) Pagana

How the hell did this happen?

This is from a bathroom in the backlot of Universal Studios. I clearly don’t know as much about filmmaking as I thought because I can’t figure out why someone would stick gloves in the toilet.

A self portrait for today…

Lets say this. i like coffee. I have always liked coffee. I am not addicted, i do not drink it every day, I do not need it. It is a comfort however. I drank it as a kid because my grandfather drank it. Black. I drank it college years because I liked the boost. Gene and I would go to Dunkin Donuts and each get large coffees with cream and sugar. (At the gas stations we would get Irish creme in our gas station coffee. We both happened to love that). Living in Colorado I would go with my writing partner to Dunkin Donuts and we’d get coffee and talk about changing the world. My travels took me all over the tri state area and dunkin donuts was always there as my friend. Except in NYC. There were only a few in those days an they BLEW!! That’s right. It was like the kind on the highway – 87 northbound on the way to Monroe/Woodbury. They wouldn’t put the dam sugar in themselves. That changes the flavor. they had a formula. They know the right amount to put in when you say ‘Cream and Sugar’ or ‘light and sweet’. They put it in first, before the coffee, so you didn’t have to stir it. Plus, I liked things ready to go. I hate having to do more work. Give it to me ready to drink. I avoided those Dunkin donutssssss. Then I journeyed west. And where the hell is the damn Dunkin Donuts??? NO WHERE!!!!! Not in California anyway. I can’t even get on their electronic webplace and find the nearest one it is so far away. Yet their slogan is ‘America Runs On Dunkin” WTF?? Seriously. Is California not in America? I know they seem strange out here, and, trust me, I want to ignore these soulless people as much as the rest of the country but really, we HAVE to acknowledge that they are in this union of ours until we can figure out how to get them out. (Maybe give it back to the Russians) Andyway, I have complained about this over and over and over again to andyone that would listen. No one cared. Damn! I even tried to get the California government involved but they don’t feel it is an important slight. WTF?? Seriously. Maybe someone should sue Dunkin Donuts for false advertising. I finally found one Dunkin in California…  north of San Francisco. Bunch of BULL#$%@!!!! Anyway, I happened to be in Vegas several weeks back (See below for photos of the Hoover Damn) and lo and behold… I found one!! Actually TWO!!!! They had not been there last trip through town I assure you!!!! They are expanding to Nevada!!! AWESOME! So I documented the event…

Well, this past weekend I was craving my DandD. I hopped on the road and headed to Vegas, music blasting, sun shining. What a great trip. I found a third one and mixed another passion of mine, the belly picture…

Posted By AndyFan: This isn’t the actual theory, the actual theory has been brewing for a few weeks now, prompted by one of Andy’s posts, but this is a teaser to the actual theory. The theory is that Andy is changing, changing in ways we never saw coming. I am working on this theory but I am having trouble tracking down the reference. I was given it by someone, apparently an old friend of Andy’s, but that too I have to confirm. When I am ready I will reveal this theory upon the AndyWorld for all to disect. I was not going to say anything until the time was right, but with Andy saying his head is ready to explode I think that time is right now. Please make sure you see a doctor dear Andy, I do fear you may be correct.

Sorry folks. My head is about to explode.

Posted by AndyFan: Our West Coast reporters are on the case. Andy was spotted at the season 2 premiere party for ABCs Wipeout on Monday night. We are a bit concerned as rumors have it that Andy will be making an appearance in this season, and not as a part of a best of compilation episode as he has in the past. At first I agreed with the 3 Mommies, what was he thinking? I don’t know who the 3 Mommies are but there is little reliable reference online and three moms seemed like a good source. I have to say that AndyFan (yes, talking in the third person) did try and talk Andy out of it the first time. Reality TV is not TV to AndyFan, and it is certainly below Andy to be a part of. Jon and Kate, come on now. Eight kids isn’t a miracle, the nation wanting to watch 8 kids and two numbnut parents is a miracle. Most parents can barely stand their own kids for a half an hour straight, why do people want to watch that zoo. And they have a website? Come on other people, don’t you get mad when your crazy uncle sends you a Snapfish link to the family vacation photos? We are all glad that most of our relatives still don’t know how to plug there video cameras into the tv to show us their trips like the good ol’ days of Super 8 movies. Why would you want to see some strangers, ten of them for the matter, sharing a forced good time for the cameras. And are we really crying for their situation, they have someone to take the picture of them. Most normal insane families have to find a ledge, argue about how to use the timer, set the thing up, run back around and look like an arse when they cut off their heads because they aren’t photographers and shouldn’t be setting up shots.

Andyway, AndyFan was very against Andys forray into the reality television world, but then one night Andy calls AndyFan to tell him the premeire is airing. AndyFan was given moments to find a television. And find a television he did. A big one. One almost large enough to portray Andys awesomeness the way his awesomeness is meant to be portrayed. One big enough to make his trip up the treadmill (he swears it was moving) death defying. A screen big enough to show just how big those balls were, especially when he fell off the giant red rubber bouncy things. This wasn’t reality tv, this was Indiana Jones meets the Three Stooges, without the snakes. The real shame was not being able to see Andy jump the swirling arms as he stood on a tiny post. Get rid of the athletes, put in the couch potatoes.

If the stories are true, we hope that Andy has not been walking around Hollywood with a cane (at least not with out sending us a picture). As much fun as it was to watch the first time, Andy did need some physical therapy afterwards. That thing was like the modern day gaunlet. And Andy hates sports. He says so all the time.

Posted by AndyFan: There are few in Andy’s life who can whirl through and cause more excitement and yet somehow leave the place tidier than before they arrived. And that my good Andyfriends, is no small feat. First of all, very few are more exciting than Andy. But more importantly, if any of you have had the fortune of working on any one of the plethora of projects that Andy has helmed, have had a chance to visit him when he is relaxing at home, or have merely taken a ride with him in the Grand Marquis of the moment, you have no doubt witnessed the unfolding of his entire life before you. Not an unfolding like an unraveling or falling apart. This unfolding is more like using one of those mini-pocket maps, the ones that only fit in yor wallet if you put it there the second you purchase it and store it away with your change. Do not open it, it will never go back to its intended place again. You will never fit it in your wallet once you have even just flipped a corner up to look. You may even throw it across the street once you realize that it is no longer the size of a credit card but rather as thick as War and Peace, only to need it five minutes later and have to walk back and look all over for it to no avail, return to the place of purchase, acquire another at the same price, start back on your path, only to trip over the first copy of War and Peace and kick it, for not showing up sooner, stub your toe, scream an expletive or two, throw the newer, unopened copy of War and Peace past the the first one that you kicked, find a seat, look around to see if there are any loyal subjects to go retrieve both copies, one to possibly even return the second copy that was unused though slightly scuffed from sliding across the floor, read the first copy from beginning to end, figure out which direction you should be going in, point you in that direction and walk you there, simply because they should enjoy your company. That is the unfolding that I am referring to.

To apply this to Andy imagine a room. Now fill this room from bottom to top. In fact, fill it again. Ok, one more time. Now take the contents that are filling the room, put them in nicely separated plastic bins, the ones that stack, condensing the objects in possession to a fraction of their original size and shove them ever so gently into the spare room. The one that was not opened yet. Like the mini-pocket map, this must be done at the time of aquisition. Any time after and it would be too late. Once stored in said room, refill the first room in the same manner, store new material in bins and find a way to get them into the same spare room. Then hit play and watch Andy go. More than likely he will need the very object that arrived first, the one that is all the way at the bottom of the spare room, all the way in back, under every other bin. Only Andy holds the key to how the bins are organized, however, that too is in one of the bins. So now the hunt is on for the object of desire and/or the key to where that object lies. Bins are opened. They overflow into the outer room, expanding to their original size. Actually, all the bins are opened, each and every one of them. Filling all areas of the space that was for one moment organized. This is when it happens. Barbara arrives.

Barbara, a.k.a. Mother, is made of a different cloth than Andy; a more pressed and tidy cloth. Anything in Andy’s life that has ever warranted a complaint from our hero is due, if you ask Mother, to the fact that he kept an untidy room as a child. A movie project goes sour—he should have picked up his toys when he was five; stubs his toe—he should have made his bed as a teen; falls down and breaks his arm, well, he should have cleaned the stairwell, otherwise he wouldn’t have tripped over all that stuff and fallen down and broken his arm. Arriving at the moment that he has unfolded his entire life into two rooms only compounds her belief. She has offered to help, but he knows that his life would only be less, complete, if she were to come to his aid. In fact it would just be less. Stories of Star Wars toys found in the garbage due to the lack of placement in his room only bring fears of what prop, puppet or movie memoriabilia would go missing if Mother were to “help.” She means well. She always means well.

Well Barbara, I am happy to inform you that all your hard work may have paid off. Andy has taken a liking to a clean home. It is the theme of this blog in fact. No, really, the actual WordPress Theme, Clean Home. He had no idea. He just liked it. For some reason completely foreign to him. And the good news is, things have to go where they belong, otherwise he can’t show them to the world. And that would make him very unhappy. So in fact, it makes him happy to be so organized. And that should make you proud.

Here is my high school ID from Newburgh Free Academy. I got a gold star on it which meant I was such a good kid I could roam the halls without a pass and not be questioned. I don’t remember what the little red dot was for. Damn!

Posted by AndyFan: Sources close to AndyPagana.com have passed along a photo from about a decade ago. Andrew, on his return to alma mater Newburgh Free Academy, posed next to a confident and suave self portrait from his high school days. Long past was the conservative dress of his younger years, opting at the time of the photo for a more laid back, but charming, island look. Funny though, the hair is nearly identical. Yes, those are actually pineapples on his shirt. Little known fact, you can actually mail a pineapple through the US Postal Service. Or was it a coconut? It’s one of them. You don’t have to wrap it up, you can just stick a tag on it and let it go. Well, you have to bring it to the post office or at least hand it to a postal carrier, neither one moves without assistance. So if you know anyone from Hawaii, have them send you a coconut (or pineapple) and watch the look on your mailpersons face when it arrives. You might be thinking, “what does this have to do with Andy?” Well, good question Andy fan(s). Andrew is the source of this knowledge. Andrew is the source of many a tidbit. Bitty tids, how lovely. Actually, if you look closely a bitty tid is hanging from his nose.