Posted by AndyFan: So Andy returns today. But you should already know that. We have spoken about this already. Stop reading what I have to say and go tell Andy how much you missed him. I hate to be so demanding, but we all have to do our part here. I am doing mine. You go do yours.
Posted by AndyFan: So, if you haven’t heard, or read the very next post down, Andy is away all weekend. I thought it would be fun, at least for part of the day, to randomly change this blog every hour or so. A harmless prank, but fun nonetheless. I scoured the themes and selected several for our day of fun. Yes, we can be very lazy here at Andypagana.com, we use preloaded themes. Seriously, you are all lucky you get a blog. Really, you are very lucky. Andy doesn’t like to share himself like this with everyone. Well, he does, but he likes to see the looks on their faces when he reveals himself. Or at least he likes to get a picture of it, and as far as we* have been told, we* do not possess the technology to take a picture of your face as you read the posts, but believe me, we* are working on that technology. Maybe he and Karma are doing it right now. Nah, probably not.
So anyway, themes, pranks and messing with Andy for which he will never know, except if he reads his own blog (but who would do that?). If we* have Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday, than let’s make today Screwy Saturday. (It was more fun than silly. Silly is so overused. How any times can you say silly before it is over played? Andy is silly, we* are screwy. Besides, we are not being silly with the blog, we* are screwing with the blog. So today is Screwy Saturday.)
So, let me know which of the themes you like the best, I think we* only have a few hours left in this day, so if you miss it, all I can say is stay up later the next time. Those on the west coast get three more hours of fun. I will keep it going. East coast Andy Fans, no cheating. Stop watching after midnight. There are more fun games coming your way soon, so come back later to enjoy Andy in all new ways. He likes that.
*Yes, AndyFan did in fact refer to himself as we above, and sometimes, like now, refers to himself in the third person. He’s screwy like that.
Posted by AndyFan: So, Andy made a grave error last week when he said that the universe should be looking out for him. Apparently he doesn’t understand Karma or the fact that she is a bitch. I’ve been telling him about Karmas’ youngest cousin, Computer Karma, for years now but he does’t believe me. I would get offened, but he doesn’t believe anyone, so why feel offended. Well Karma caught up with him and his math skills being as off as they are, he forgot to carry the 2, it turns out he owes the universe, at least this weekend. So our brave hero will go it alone and make good with Karma, as is only right and proper when you offend her. He said he would be back on Sunday, something about after the reserrection. Take your time brave leader, we will wait.
Posted by AndyFan: Yes, our phones make bring, bring noises!
AndyFan: Hello?
Andy: Is it ME at ANDYPAGANA.COM?
AndyFan: Yes
Andy: Ok.
CLICK
Posted by AndyFan: In a clerical error of massive proportions, it seems as if I have missed my deadline for one of this weeks posts here on andypagana.com. Not that I don’t have a slew of material to pull from, but as with most fine wines (yes, Andy would be the fine wine in this metaphor), the stories need time to breath. You never know who they may indict. So in an urgent wee hours of the morning call Andy politely informed me (read, told me even though he don’t pay me) that I need to “get one up there.” This is one of those instances where you have to know Andy in order to truly appreciate him (read, stare at in unbelievable awe) as he speaks to you as a minion of his whimsical bidding (this blog when we are funny). No sooner was my launching of this blog, along with my single handedly convincing Google to find Andrew first in the worldwide quest to find Andy Pagana information, raised to mythic status than was my number one AndyFan position put in jeopardy by a momentary lack of calendar. But, as Andy pointed out, it’s not what we can do for him, it’s what we can do for him right now. And right now I have to start on tomorrows post.
Posted by AndyFan: In an effort to show all sides of our favorite friend Andy, AndyFan must admit that we were informed recently by those close to Andy that we may not be presenting the more serious side of Andrew. The subtle and sensitive side. The side he is apparently not prone to show too often. This reaction of course begged the question, Is there a more serious side of Andy Pagana? Small as is it may be, we found that yes, there actually is.
But as we conjured a witty response and thought for days or hours or minutes about the subject we came to the conclusion that THIS IS THE SERIOUS side of Andy, just topped with a whole lot of whipped cream, a sprinkle of cocoa and one big giant fat cherry. What could be more serious than exposing himself to the millions? He is competing with 117 million other blogs after all. And that doesn’t include China. And this is just the number of people who think what they have to say is important, let alone the number of people who think reading what complete strangers think is important is important. (I’m confused!) Nothing could be more serious than a blog. And in only a week he is winning the war on blogs—his is the first listed when you type in Andy Pagana into Google. Number one in just a week. And we weren’t even trying.
It was in fact a very serious moment when he finally turned to me and said, I want a blog. Ok, he called me, and it was a little flippant and I wasn’t sure I should do anything, but he eventually called again and said, “No, seriously, I want a blog. How do we do make that happen?” See, he said the word seriously. He doesn’t have time for this. I certainly don’t have time for this. But this is very serious, so we are wasting our time on this. And a lot of it.
If this still does not drive the point home consider this alternative. He dropped his serious side outside Warshington and it’s been roaming endlessly for years. We are tirelessly looking for it and thought that by setting up a blog we would have an international beacon to call it home. If anyone sees a very small, but serious, side of a human being, not attached to the rest of said human being, please log it on to computer, type in the words andy pagana in the google search bar and post a comment on its behalf. The rest of Andy is waiting. Seriously.
The sun is out. It’s in the eighties. I feel energized. I feel free. It makes me wanna get out of the office, roll the windows down in the car and just drive… as my friends throw rancid fruit and dairy at road signs.
Posted by AndyFan: Hello Andy Fans! It is with the utmost pride and jubilation that we can announce the completion of the circle. On this very day we have surpassed all other Andy Pagana references to be the very first listing on Google. Though not sure why you would, since you are already here, if you type the simple, unadulterated words andy pagana into the Google search bar you will come right back here. Try it a few times, it’s fun. We could not have put less effort into such worldwide success. Andy is proud. However he did ask us who the hell Andy Pagano is, and if there was anything we could do to rid the world of his Google presence? We will see what we can do.
She was eight years old. The date was March 17, 2008. It went like this, word for word…
Little girl: What’s the best day of your life?
Andy: Tomorrow
Little girl: But you don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow.
Andy: I know…
Little girl: Is that why it’s the best? Because you think something magical might happen?
Andy: Yes.
Little girl: You’re using your imagination too much.
Posted by AndyFan: Andy was spotted in San Francisco Saturday night, eating dinner and getting his drink on. AndyFan is a little worried as Andy is not known to be able to hold his alcohol very well—stories of him crawling around on all fours barking like a dog, dressing up in spandex while running through suburban New York neighborhoods, and video of him in a wig singing like a girl have all appeared in the tabloids. We hope that he doesn’t end up getting fined for public indecency while up north, though he would probably add that to his list of lifetime accomplishments. AndyFan was told that the Grand Marquis (it’s red, or marooooon) is parked on a steep hill, thus preventing Andy from aquiring it before first walking off the alcohol, slowly. We are sure he is wishing he had purchased that Segway. Can you lean up hill and fall backwards at the same time on one of those things?
Sleep tight Warshingten!