Jul 9 2009

I ALMOST started to think about maybe doubting myself…

as the grading email ideas wasn’t very popular, but it has weeded out my email riff raff and Andyfan’s well-written rave has actually swayed me. Good job Andyfan in recognizing my greatness.

Jul 9 2009

Thwarted Again!

Posted By AndyFan: I began this as a comment before the realization of how ingenious the concept of grading emails is. Pure and udder genius. I have so much to say about this but I will keep it as brief as AndyFan possible. I will start with the immediate response to the last post and move on to how this system can be tweaked moving forward.

First off, A- Friend of Andy, you are a perfectionist and need to get over yourself. Do you not know Andy? Do you not know that it is all about entertaining him? If your email is not living up to his standards, work harder.

Second, Searching-For-New-Friends-Friend, why are you putting the effort in the wrong endeavors? Friends let you down in time, as it sounds like you have done to Andy, so you are only prolonging more work by looking yonder for new friends. Take the time and invest it into better emailing. The rewards will be worth it and Andy will hold you in higher esteem. Just don’t talk to A- Friend, he seems to have a bad attitude.

That said, I wish I came up with this idea. This is the most brilliant idea ever in the history of emailing, maybe even in the history of the internet. Better than being googled or ebayed (which I think is still illegal in some states and China). Think about it, what better way to fend off bad emails from people (you know who you are you people) than by sending a grade right back to them? I am not talking about a grade on grammar or spelling (have you read this blog, that would be asking for an F), I am talking about the quality and importance of the emails. If you are just babbling on and on for no reason than to tell me that your cat did something silly, just to point out that you are a cat freak (I mean lover) than you need to go spend more time with your cat and stop bothering Andy or me. We both have a thing about cat lovers and you will definitely not get more than a D-. Maybe a C+ if your cat is named Andy, but you would have to ask him about that, I am just speculating.

The idea of the grades however raises the bar on email quality. You may think twice before sending a bit of chain email when you haven’t sent any real correspondence in well over a year. Andy, nor I, have no desire to fill out your quota of 5,7,8, or 20 people that you need to send the latest bit of drivel to in order for your deepest darkest wishes to come true. Andy should be the only one in the TO: section of the email, and no one should be CC’d or BCC’d. What the hell do those other people have to do with Andy and why are they all up in his business? God doesn’t email you people. If God did, Andy wouldn’t get those god-blessed emails from you people, he would get them from God.

As for the improvements to the system, I know the idea is in the stages of infancy, but a rating scale of some sort might be well received. If you are told you are not funny, you may either try harder or go a different route. (Take note A- Friend) If you are not funny, be sincere. No shred of sincerity, be shocking. The whole idea just shakes up the thought of receiving emails. Andy might actually be excited to check his inbox (also outlawed in many southern states and China by the by). Over time his world might actually be nonstop entertainment, and that is what this is all about.

Jul 8 2009

I Tried Something New Yesterday

I began giving grades to emails that I received. I grade on how much it amuses me, has value to me, the timing of it’s arrival, if it has any use to me, etc. I gave a friend an A- and he told me to piss off. (You think he would’ve been happy with that)

Another friend told me he’s gonna have to get new friends and then questioned why I have the right to grade emails. I said “because I thought of it”

Jul 7 2009

Is the Whole Entire World Trying to Tell Me Something?


Even the parking meters are subliminally trying to destroy me! I must be on to something.

Jul 6 2009


The price of coffee at Mel’s diner: $2.10

The Price of a chocolate cigar from sees: $2.10

The day I got my drivers license: 2/10

Schwartzy’s office number: 210 (Check out TGAAH.com to learn who Schwartzy is)

My ninth grade english classroom – 210

Jul 5 2009


Posted By AndyFan: I can aggravate Andy without even talking to him. But I think you all knew that already. If you didn’t than you haven’t been reading this blog long enough and that is just aggravating to the both of us. So cut it out and get back to reading.

Jul 2 2009

The Hyundai Sonata is officially added to my enemy list

In fact, it’s now at the top.

Jul 2 2009

Is Hollywood making me slip out of touch?

Andy: “I have to go to Beverly Hills to have my sunglasses adjusted to my face”.

Derek: “Are you going to have your shit polished while you’re at it?”

Jul 1 2009

Would I be a good private eye

even though I can’t seem to find out where to take private eye classes?