Andrew (Andy) Pagana

I used to think I was going to change the world. Now I am proud of myself if from one day to the next I manage to just change my pants.

Here’s a reaction I got from someone seeing this:

Wow
You look trapped and scared
I love how your hands are just ghosted in
And your face is painted with such monstrous colors –
Makes me think of the Frankenstein monster…
Actually he also was lonely, alone, scared, misunderstood, and just trying to get through this life he didn’t ask for

Damn it!! For the past two mornings I have been waking up to Owls hooting outside my window. I refuse to look. It is terrifying.

I am right handed. But here is a left handed portrait I did of myself using only three colors… Blue, Brown and ORANGE!!! Why would I do such a stupid thing, you ask? Good question. Why would I? Well, it started like this… the other day I was screwing around, doing some spontaneous ‘artwork’, experimenting with pencil, gouache on canvas (gouache apparently doesn’t like canvas), some acrylic paint and black india ink. I came up with a few quick little things…

Okay, now, in full disclosure, I hate the last two. I’m not even sure why. But regardless, I did them. It didn’t take long and I had some fun. It was a study for me. I was not looking for masterpieces. Just study. I even began experimenting with my signature. So, I went to a friend of mine who really annoys me to ask for his thoughts. HE BLASTED ME. He HATED them. HATED!!! He told me some bull about me relying on the same way I have always painted and bla bla bla. So, he said I need to take three colors… orange, brown and blue and paint something. He told me to paint three things. I have only had time to do one. (Top) And look at it? WTF?? I can’t show this to anyone. So I thought I’d put it somewhere safe… a place where no one would ever see it. And that’s how it ended up here on my website.

Now, I tried to talk to this dumb friend of mine about this but he doesn’t even return my phone calls. What kind of friend of Andy is he? Doesn’t like my stuff (Doesn’t sound like an Andyfriend to me), doesn’t return my phone calls (again, not Andyfriend behavior) and steers me in a direction that gives me… THAT! (See above painting)

What the hell is happening??

Through my quick reflexes I totally caught this guy trying to push over a parking meter. I must’ve scared him off because he immediately took off like a bat out of hell.

Posted by AndyFan: Yes, I too am back. And we all know who he is pissed at.

I am, for lack of a better word, an artist. I sometimes deal in words but I am generally an image guy. I like images. I like to use images to illustrate my ideas. I tell stories in images. It’s easier and quicker. And I have become lazy so it helps me. And I prefer pictures probably because I can rarely articulate my thoughts in words.

But for some reason I can’t seem to upload photos. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO EVEN MOTIVATE MYSELF LATELY??? And when I eek out enough energy to actually do something I can’t. I am prevented because of some BS computer issue. I HATE COMPUTERS!! I want to blow them up. I have things to say! OWLS are effing everywhere and I can’t even complain about it.

And where the F is Andyfan? Abandoned me!!! WTF??? I know this is his fault. I sure as hell know it isn’t mine!!

I wish I could take all the drivers in California, smush them together with the ones from New Jersey and make one big neck out of them so I can choke it.

Rated NC-17 because apparently this stuff is very taboo. Posted by AndyFan: What the effing eff is a reimagining? Seriously? Can someone tell me? No, right the eff right effing now? And while you are at it can you explain reboot to my simple little mind? No, really? I don’t get it. A computer gets rebooted. Or a hooker after a nice romp in the sack. I understand the latter but I’m still not sure what the former means. But right now I don’t understand most computer terms except for undo, which should not be proprietary to computers. That my friends should come with real life, imagined or otherwise. However that is another post. Another Compelling post. This one is about the movies that I want deleted before they are even created, I’m sorry, rebooted, recreated, or reimagined as you will. The uncompelling ones. And some that have already been. Undo those effers too.

If you imagine something, you believe it to be. You can then go off and make it so, or just continue to believe, in your own world, happy and content. What exactly does it take to reimagine something. How effing lazy and apathetic are you that you couldn’t hold onto the thought, whether membered or remembered, and know that hey, you or someone else with a better brain than you had that thought already. Maybe it was good the first time. Maybe even better. Maybe you should just leave it the eff alone. Maybe, just maybe, if you got your head out of your arse for just a few effing minutes you might realize that if you have to imagine a few new words that make no sense just so that you have something to talk about what you have just “reimagined” to death, then maybe, just maybe, you might realize where your head is, that that genius idea you had wasn’t quite so much, since you really didn’t have it, someone else did a long long time ago, and they are pissed right now because what was once great, or at the very least compelling, has stink written all over it now. Seriously, where is the undo when you need it? On second thought, hold the explanations. I have already reimagined that you don’t exist. Never did in fact.

It was not that long ago that I went to a burlesque show with a friend and complained about the guy hosting it. It’s not that he was bad but we had heard the same jokes from this guy over and over and over again. (Apparently we went to burlesque shows a lot). Finally, the gal who runs the show (www.dollhouseproductions.com) said to us, well then, why don’t you two your smart asses (she has a filthy mouth) just do it yourselves? 

Pfff. Sure. How hard can it be?

So for the past two days in all our spare time when we should’ve been working or stalking ex girlfriends, we’ve been writing comedy bits in the tradition of old Vaudeville acts.

Now, for you writers out there… have you ever tried anything like this? It’s so bizarre. I have been in this mode of bad punch lining since we began. I’m asking every question at work like I’m Bud Abbott and throwing out bad jokes and punch lines in the most inappropriate situations. Waiters, kids, my mother… everything that someone says to me is responded to with some kind of smart allecky remark. (Although one of my co-workers say I’ve been in that mode since I’ve met him)

Anyway, we have come up with a number routines that I have NO IDEA how they are gonna come off. We’re not performers. We’ve never done a live show. We have twenty minutes of material we need to perfect and memorize by next Wednesday night.

So if you wanna see what we’ve come up with check us out at the Aura Nightclub, 12215 Ventura Blvd. in Studio City (California) Wednesday Night December 16th 9:00pm.

We’re inviting our porn star friend Charley Chase (story to come) and even wrote her into our act, so if you don’t wanna see us, at least come to see her. Oh, and the dancers. I hear they’re gonna have dancers between our bits.

(And oh yeah, my partner’s name is Schwartzy)