Posted by AndyFan: So in conversation with Andy tonight he revealed that he may have an eating problem. It is minor, and nothing to be worried about. At least not yet I hope. And I quote,
“So the other day, National Donut Day, …”
The story went on, of which I heard very little after that. I pondered just how many and what would have happened had there been a Dunkin Donuts nearby.
The Oil Company
Waitresses who can’t seem to fill my coffee
Idiot California Drivers that don’t know how to drive
Idiot California Drivers that don’t know how to drive in the rain
Adobe Flash
Posted By AndyFan: Technically this is not a response to his response, at least not his response online. Spent some time on the phone with our fearless leader today and among the many varied and sundry (what is a sundry anyway) things that we discussed, several blatantly stated facts were stated, again.
Fact One: Andy hates excuses, as stated by AndyFan on, well, yesterday, “but that is nothing new and Andy hates excuses.”
I bring this up because as I rattled through the list of reasons that I do not bore you, our faithful followers, with but that Andy asked for as to why I have been absent, Andy remarked, “I hate excuses.” My response was, “don’t you read your blog?”
Fact Two: I have been traveling and all over the place as stated, um, yesterday, “I have been all over the place.”
Andy asked me, what have you been doing? Seriously. I almost started to cry. I thought my words meant something to him, but alas (yes, using alas a lot these days, picked it up outside Warshingten) he seems to skim over my stories, or at least forgets them awfully quick.
Aside from that he does make a good point, I am trying. Many times he says very.
Have you ever seen the shapes of the people getting breakfast at McDonalds in the morning?
It’s that you are stupid too. Think about it, Andyfan. Think about it. Especially because she only spilled McDonald’s coffee. You let the precious Dunkin go to waste. But thanks for trying.
Posted By AndyFan: Been on the road lately, ala Awesome Andy. Actually, I have been all over the place, but that is nothing new and Andy hates excuses. I did try to make amends for my scattered appearances, but alas, it did not go as planned. You see, I do not run on Dunkin, though there are typically many in my surrounding area. I feel for Andy, as I have for many years been longing for my teenage source of afternoon sustenance, the El Paso Grande Burrito. Apparently I, being a burrito lover, happened upon a short lived market test of El Paso’s prepackaged delicacies way back in 1989 or so. After five months they pulled the plug (apparently too much real meat made the costs prohibitive) and I was left with the measly inadequate lesser versions that had been around prior to the Grande. But this is not about my burrito, it is about my making amends with Andy for something.
So in my travels I found a Dunkin Donuts right off the highway a hundred miles outside Warshingten. I even asked a fellow D&D fan to take my picture, it didn’t come out quite right though. It was a very spur of the moment decision to stop, but seeing as how this Dunkin Donuts had a drive through I thought I would surprise Andy with a cup of coffee. Now, I wasn’t thinking this one through. If you are all keeping track, which you should be, we are many miles apart (whatever judge) and coffee gets cold. Which brings me to where this story really goes down hill.
As I have this revelation I look up and see that an old woman is about to walk in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes. Now, you may all have seen this coming, but the coffee was in my lap and no longer in its cup. I thought that they made a safety lid after that woman scalded herself with the hot coffee at McDonalds years ago but apparently not. Like many others across this great nation that may or may not run on Dunkin depending on where they live, I thought that woman was an idiot when she sued McDonalds. Why would you put hot coffee in your lap when you are driving? That is just stupid. Seeing as how I do not think myself stupid I immediately started to re-evaluate my perception of the stupid coffee woman. I turned around to start my legal battle. Unfortunately though, you can’t sue over someone elses coffee, even if you paid for it. Weird rule that I never knew about, probably came about after that not-so-stupid-afterall woman won the case years back. As this was Andy’s coffee, I was left with burning thighs and no money for my time. Which brings me back to coffee getting cold, but not quick enough. Sorry Andy, I guess it’s back to Vegas for some D&D.
p.s.-Mr. Miles, while I have been away it seems as though you may be trying to eff with Andy. I am watching you Mr. Miles. And if this Mr. Lee shows up, I am watching you too.
This morning I sat for ten minutes at Mel’s Diner on Ventura in Sherman Oaks and waited for someone to refill my damn coffee. I mean, really… is it that hard to quit yappin with the other waitresses and grab a pot?
Hey Mr. Mills. I think this is the first time my blog is written specifically to one person. Well, it’s not just for you but I’m starting it addressed to you because you have changed my blog today. I was probably going to continue to complain about this sports video I am editing but you made mention of Michael Lee and made me laugh. Ahhh… Mr. Perfect. Funny enough, I have recently been in contact with Michael Lee. That dumb bastard. Ha! I love that guy! I miss the way he always said dumb… “DUUUHHHHMMM!” ha! I’m laughing out loud. Very few people other than me make me do that. So, andyway, between you appearing out of nowhere and then mentioning Michael Lee, I have enjoyed a slight trip down memory lane, which honestly has never really been that far. I wanted to post a picture of him but I couldn’t find one. Well, that’s not true. I know where they are but I’m too preoccupied to get one. So then I was going to place a random picture of you. But again… too much work right now. So instead I give you a picture of my grandma. I love my grandma. I can hear her now, calling me a horse’s ass. Ahhhh. I miss you Gram. I miss you, Mr. Mills. And yes.. Michael lee, I miss you very much too. You dumb bastard. As for the rest of you… well, we’ll see.
I am working on a ‘video project’. I hate ‘video projects’ especially when they’re for someone else. Even more especially when they are for someone else and I am not getting paid. I charge a lot of money to do these types of projects. It consists of shooting some lame event or taking pictures someone has given to me on a disc or to be scanned and edit them and put them to music so they can watch at some event and give away to the people that are in the damn video.Â
I stopped doing these projects a long time ago. I have done HUNDREDS, literally HUNDREDS of them over the past 15 years. I swore I would not do one again for someone else unless I am HIGHLY COMPENSATED. Even then it is debatable. That’s how much I hate them. NOW, so often these projects are for weddings, parties, funerals, religious rights of passage, and other social crap but every once in a while I get something involving sports. AND I HATE SPORTS!!! No no no no no. Let me make this CLEAR. I EFFIN HATE SPORTS. I can’t understand them and I hate everything I can’t understand. What is the point to playing them? I don’t get it. And worse, actually, I’m not sure it’s worse, but what the hell is the point of watching them? These athletes all seem so angry and self centered to me. (I hate self centered people. They should be centered more on me). Have you ever met a professional baseball player? They are the biggest group of… well, that’s not what I am here to talk about.
I am here to talk about a video I am doing. A SPORTS VIDEO. One I have to do for my job. Can you believe it?? A job in which I am supposed to be directing a children’s show. That is what I was hired to do. Andyway, I can’t talk about how I had this gig thrust upon me but lets just say I have to take this one for the team. And despite hating sports I am a team player. Now, another thing, I hate little league. I have always hated the little league. When I was a kid I was FORCED to go where there was NOTHING for me to do. AHHHHHHHH!!!!! And why do all the little league stadiums look and feel and smell the same? The crooked fences and wooden bleachers with the pealing green paint… I am getting angry and anxious  just thinking about it. Reliving those horrid days of my otherwise wonderful and magical childhood. Just the sounds of a little league field cannot be copied anywhere else. I hate the sounds of it. Did I say it makes me tense? and anxious? And Moody? It does.Â
Well, guess what? For this job I actually found myself taping a little league baseball game recently and for the first time stepped out onto the field during a game. (Actually that is not true. I had a comical couple of weeks as a little league umpire but we’ll get to that another time!) And I got to hang out in the dug out which I never did before. Well, none that matters. What I found even more disturbing than all the general sports and little league things is that at one point I heard the coach shout to his team “Okay Kids, back up. The good hitters are coming now!”
Whaaa??? What a terrible thing to shout. What about the poor loser kid that can’t hit that just swung out?? Doesn’t he feel bad enough without you yelling it to the world? Don’t you realize how that effects a kid???? Seriously, let his teammates and friends and enemies put him down, his peers… but not a grown up in what appears to be an authoritative position. For crying out loud! Now, I don’t think we need to coddle these kids. And if they stink… they stink, that’s fine, they know it already. And if you have to tell them, tell them quietly, but good gravy man, don’t shout it. See, I don’t have a problem telling kids the truth. Or given them a harsh bit of reality. (Sometimes for fun I even tell them they stink, just… well, just because…) but something seemed particularly cruel about this little baseball episode. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just another reason I can say that causes me to hate sports. After all, that kid was really bad.
