May 22 2009

Owls are evil

Seriously, I just need to say it again. They are evil, evil evil.

Apr 24 2009

What a day for a post

Okay… I had every intention of writing a nice little post this morning, until I read Andyfan’s first post about the owl that is following him. Don’t be so sure it’s plastic Andyfan… they’re damn tricky. Anyway, this threw my entire day off. Damn! I need to respond to this. They’re out to get me I’m sure. And now they’re looking at places I will try to hide from them in the future. They’re already there. So, I was shaken by this news and thought of how to deal with it. Maybe if I ignore the owl it will go away. So I left my computer on assignment to take some photographs for a job I am doing. (Yes, I do work). And as I was photogging the objects of my attention, a chill ran up my spine and VIOLA!

amandasowl1 This was directly behind me, on a table, staring right at my back. Eyeing me. Watching me. Warning me. Of what, I do not know.

It through me into a whirl. I got light headed. Dizzy. Anxious. I left the dwelling and headed out onto the highway where I was scattered and nervous. Feelings ran through me I cannot describe. And as I pulled off the exit I stopped at a light and looked over and saw this sign… and by sign I mean sign as in Omen. It just happens to be that the sign is, itself, two signs…oneway

What the??? Look at this. Can you see what I’m seeing? There is only one way for me to go… the WRONG WAY!!! Now, before you think I’m reading too much into this, I need you to… well… Okay… I can’t continue here because you’re just not ready for what I have to say here. But God has spoken to me in signs before, VERY RARELY, but it has happened. IS this a sign from him, to me, about my life? I can’t say. And it’s not because I don’t know, it’s because, well, I already said why. You’re not ready. Trust me. You’re not. I’ll get into it one day, Im sure. If I make it to one day. We’ll see. 

Needless to say, I was fascinated by this sign of signs. It reminded me of a similar sign I got last weekend, that I haven’t shared as I do not yet have the photo in my possession. When I get it, I will share it. But it changed me. Really changed me. There is something happening in the secret and hidden worlds around me that I cannot explain. When I returned to my place of business I received what appears to be good news and went out with my coworkers to celebrate at Bob’s Big Boy. And look…


I posed for one of my belly pictures at the suggestion of a loyal reader of this blog. Good job fan! Good job! This was a turning point in the day as I bared my barrel for the world. (You’re welcome.) Which reminds me.. there will be more belly photos coming soon, both classic and new.

I spend the rest of the day reeling from the events. So finally I read Andyfan’s newest post, which, although I appreciate his sentiments, spent too little time talking about me. It’s good to know I am all over his computer, but I do not need to know if he has a great Auntie Rosie. That’s too much information going the wrong way. Yet the message is as true as can be. I too am tired of being questioned about Andy Pagano. Andy whaaa??? That’s not even a real name or product. Learn to spell, google!! And come to think of it, I hate when I am asked a question and there is no place to answer. Just a bunch of bull…! I think all rhetorical questions should be abolished, don’t you.?!! And yes, I do like things simple, which so far this interweb thing has not been. (I’m not sure what gmail is but I am certain that I am cool for NOT playing it.) I give Andyfan a B+ for the two-post effort but have to take points away for mention the unmentionable. – “Minority Report”. It makes me shutter as much as Owls. 

Now, I have lost my train of though so I end transmission.

Apr 23 2009

In My Other Life

Posted by AndyFan: Yes, I have another life. I won’t talk about it here, because, well, this is Andy’s life and what’s that got to do with my other life? I will just say that I have been consumed with all sorts of who knows what in this other life. Basically things that keep me away form Andy, which makes Andy sad. And when he gets sad, Serious Andy sends out Angry Andy and the two of them conspire to confuse me and my other life. In the end I feel bad because I have been ignoring Andy, and ignoring Andy is always bad. I repeat, ignoring Andy is very, very bad.

I often wonder if this is like a comic book, and I am Andy’s sidekick. So, while I know his private Bruce Wayne to your public Andy Pagana, I don’t know who the hell I am in this other life, because who remembers Robin’s name when he isn’t Robin. Is it Dick something? Really, who came up that name. They don’t have enough working against them with the whole tights thing that they couldn’t go with a more manly name. My apologies to all Richards out there, but don’t shorten it and expect to not get a chuckle. But then I remember that Andy is more Superman than Batman. So I can’t even be old Alfred, waiting on him hand and foot. Superman doesn’t have an accomplice, I mean assistant. Though I do believe that Andy would let me be his Alfred and forgo the rules of Superman if I waited on him hand and foot.

I have so far not been able to not talk about my other life in this post about my other life and how I shouldn’t talk about it here. But there is good Andy reason for this. I found kryptonite. Yesterday I was in my local Hall of Books and was looking through a free donation bin. A little girl walked up and handed me a book, about OWLS!! I am not quite sure what to do. At first I thought Andy was just being paranoid, we’ll cover Paranoid Andy later, this is already longer than it needs to be. But then I thought, if I open the book, it may be like Pandora’s Bo(x)ok and the owls would then be after me. So I ditched the book under the back seat of my car and forgot about it. I didn’t even tell Andy.

So in my other life, the one I shouldn’t talk about here, I went on a business trip today and traveled to New York City. I was getting ready to leave when I looked out and was stunned. Amidst all the AC vents and odd workings of the buildings was an owl. An effing OWL! It was the same color as the rusty vents, hiding there watching me as I went about my morning. It wasn’t real, and I didn’t have a camera to prove this sighting, but I swear this happened. The owl was real, just not alive. In case that wasn’t clear. It was a warning, to who I don’t know. There was a squirrel ten feet away and a pigeon on the owl’s head. I don’t know what else the owl would scare away, except Andy, who I oddly have not heard from at all today. Please tell me someone has spoken to Andy today.

Apr 21 2009

They’re still out to get me


Yesterday I walked into the studio in which I spend my days and I see AN OWL embedded into the cover of a leather bound journal on one of my business partner’s desk. I freaked. OWL! He tried to explain to me his wife gave it to him for good luck. “GOOD LUCK”??? Are you effing kidding me?? I tried to tell him about the perils of the owl and how they are hunting me, haunting me, taunting me, but to no avail. He looked at me as if I was a paranoid delusional and went bak to work. I feared the rest of the day. Today… it still stares at me. I can feel its eyes. Staring. From the other room. Peering through the walls. Learning my secrets. My weaknesses. It’s like that damn heart in that Edgar Allen Poe movie… what’s it called? The Raven?

Apr 16 2009

I didn’t realize how effing evil owls were


I know… sounds strange, right? But it’s not. It’s true. The Aztecs and Mayan considered the owl a symbol of death and DESTRUCTION. And look what happened to them. In Kenya they are harbingers of bad luck, ill heath and death. Even Henry David Thoreau summarized how evil Owls are in ‘Walden’ (1854) “I fear that there are owls. Let us stop their idiocy and maniacal harming of men. They make sounds only suited to swamps and the twilight of Hell… they represent the dark twilight and villianous thoughts which all (women) have”.

In fact, I am so convinced of this evilness of owls that I actually researched it. Yes… spent precious time from  my life looking up things on the interweb (very complicated… they should develop a better system) because I knew I would not be the only one who would know this ‘owl truth’. And, in fact, the first place I checked confirmed it. 

In ‘Charlie’s book of Dream Symbols and Meanings’ it says “throughout the ages the owl has been associated with death and SPIRITUAL DARKNESS”. Let me repeat that… “spiritual darkness”. Oh, and DEATH!!! 

That’s enough for me. Okay, maybe not enough. I’m compelled to look elswhere… this is starting to become fun… don’t move. I mean it. This is important.

Okay. Im back. Check this out. “In China, a very smart people I might add, the owl is considered EVIL. See , I knew it. In fact, they say if you look into the eyes of an Owl you will get disease by the next day.

Damn Owls. They should all be destroyed. If I wasn’t such a strong individual I am sure they would have destroyed me. They certainly have tried. It is only now, this date, that I am able to start ridding myself of the poison and disease and curses the owls have cursed me with.

Now, I grew up thinking Owls were pretty cool and smart, like the owl in the tootsie roll commercial (selfish prick now that I think about it) or the one in Winnie the Pooh. What was his name? Owlly the Owl? Yet I should’ve known the truth when ‘Hoots the Owl’ became a regular on ‘Sesame Street’ and single handedly set a chain reaction for the utter destruction that that show. (Don’t get me started on Sesame Street)

Andyway, the first evil owl instance that I can remember, which is recorded in one of my many volumes of handwritten journals, takes place on July 19th 2006. A day now that I will never forget. Keep that in mind folks… JULY 19TH 2006. I want to know what the else happened on that day. I know it’s the 200th day of the year. There are 165 days left of the year.(159 shopping days till Christmas). But I am sure this is not random… it’s as if that date inherently contains some sort of ultimate good vs. evil significance, as if it were the temporal junction point for the entire space/time/good/evil continuum.

It was just after 11:00 pm. (Eastern time). I was driving home from filming at a friend’s house when all of a sudden a huge bird soared from the dark trees and landed smack dead center of the road. I also was driving smack dab in the center of the road. (I like room when I drive). So I had to stop short, and I probably stopped about a foot away from the damn bird. (Why didn’t I just keep going?)

It was a giant white owl. Giant! And at the time emotions ran through me the likes I never felt before. From my journal: “It slowly turned to me and stared at me with it’s big black eyes. Just pierced me. Looked right through me.” 

I was stunned by it’s beauty (it’s a trick) and the power of its eyes. (Don’t look!! Don’t look!!) I think I stopped breathing. Then it calmly turned it’s head and flew away.

I admit I thought it was awesome.  Truly awesome. But over the years that followed owls stalked me, haunted me, laughed at me, tried to get me. Truly tried to destroy me. 

They were everywhere. Sitting in trees watching me in Simi Valley, plastic ones perched in trees of houses I walked by, ceramic ones in stores I frequented. Eventually they creeped into my drawings and doodles. One ‘real’ owl even followed me on a horse ride through the Hollywood hills last year. Followed me and hooted and howled. 

I even found a brass owl statue in my grandfather’s basement after he passed. Damned brass owl, perched on a shelf, piercing though me. Warning me… it’s coming.

It’s not until now that I realize how they were out to get me. But now I’m aware. And Im way too powerful. Way too strong. I would drop kick an owl if I saw one today. But I thought I needed to warn you. Its my duty to warn the world.

No need to thank me.