A mess of babblings, musings, self praise, pictorial expressions, heroic tales, critical insight and colorful hokum, (among other things) hitherto unexpressed by me, Andy Pagana, and my fans, in public.
Posted by AndyFan: That tremor in the force—the one the sent a ripple effect across the eastern seaboard over this past weekend and resulted in a sweltering 102 degree forecast for today—that wasn’t global warming or some mega storm. No. It was Andy. Andrew if you must. From Warshingten to Esopus, our fearless leader laid a path of mayhem up and down the right coast that will cost its citizens countless minutes of untold confusion, especially if you are in the employ of a Dunkin Donuts. Without warning the devastation started days ago. New Jersey will never be the same. On his way out of town he swung by Warshingten to pay me a little encouragement visit. I bid him adieu and felt it was my duty to warn you all.
Los Angeles. Andy should have just landed. We envy your good fortune.
So I go into a record shop (yes, RECORDS) today and I ask the guy if he had any Skinnay Ennis albums and he said “I sold Bob Hope Skinnay Ennis albums. In fact, Bob Hope was the last person to ask me for Skinnay Ennis. I’m not sure why, but I got a kick out of that.
Posted by AndyFan: Jordan it’s not you, really, it’s Andy. Apparently you have known him long enough to know this, but don’t believe half of what he says or any of what he does. I think that is right. If not, trust no one. Sorry, we could have been such good friends.
Posted by AndyFan: People always talk about the coasts being different from middle America. Well apparently you can’t get more in the middle of America than Kansas. You will see Kansas. One day you will see. And you will rue the day you could have been the epicenter of greatness.
Posted by AndyFan: By some stroke of a holiday miracle, Andy and crew are traveling due west of the storm of the century (how long is that exactly, I missed that week in economics). Laying a blank canvas before him to write his name across America, Andy is half way home (and by half way we mean not sure where the hell he is but he isn’t stuck on the side of the road in some icy grave trying to determine who will break it to Jordan that if it comes down to it he will be the first sacrificed). For those watching the news, somehow like Noah (those are gonna be some fugly kids) our noble crew was able to get through the floods of California. Sorry Cali, you can’t put that one on the Captain, he has an alibi, Schwartzy was with him the whole time.
Posted by AndyFan: …but I have been pissed since I was five years old that those stupid French movies didn’t have an animated pink cat throughout, so on with show. Rest in Peace Mr. Edwards, you would have liked Andy.
Actually, as much as I have always had the hots for Julie Andrews, I am sorry for the passing of her husband Blake Edwards today. (First Bob Feller…) After all, he’s the freakin’ guy who created the Pink Panther franchise, which has provided this Clouseau fan with countless hours of entertainment and inspiration. Thanks B.E.! I’m sorry you never had a chance to meet me…
Posted by AndyFan: Is it just me or are the comments by “said” sister sounding more and more like a government cover up of the owl conspiracy that seems to have plagued California and may be moving east (owls always fly on a westerly wind, where they originate is still a mystery, possibly the redwoods)? Who wouldn’t be worried about Andy? Who would attack this blog for being single focused? Who would dare not let this story unfold? The New York Times isn’t going to cover this, it’s too important! My fear is that either California has fallen into the Pacific (in which case Andy I say you claim it as Andyland and stake a flag in the ground immediately) or as I have said before THE OWLS HAVE TAKEN ANDY!
So “sis,” we will drag this out as long as we want to. Who’s gonna stop us?
