Playing It Safe
Posted by AndyFan: So, many people have asked just why in fact it took Andy so long to get on board with the whole internet craze. Let’s just call it a good healthy dose of hopeful skepticism. I will explain.
While Andy is a progressive user of new medium and technology, he is waiting his own final verdict of the world wide web to make sure this internet thing is going to stick. So far he is not convinced. He is not quite sure that the whole social networking scene is what the people want. Andy knows what the people want, and he is not sure this is it. He thinks it may be a conspiracy of the man or men, since you need more than one man to have a conspiracy, to dissuade the good people from more rare and useful activities such as sitting and the more unique, lying about. Andy likes to lie about. For no good reason. He just does and that is that.
But I drift. He has been burned too many times in the past to just hop on with some new fad and watch it fade as others pass him by with the newest most hip thing to do. (An aside, what the hell is a tweat or a twitter. Is it something from Bambi? Because Andy has not seen Bambi. So stop twittering around him until he does.) He just wants to make sure that the internet falls in line with his dreams of a better tomorrow. For him of course. I think we have covered the fact that he is not concerned with you or me, at least not in terms of the internet and this blog. This is about him and his world domination.
Case in point: The Computer. Andy is very mad that he ever invested in such a device. He was told that it would make his life easier. That it would make him more productive. That he would have more time to create. In fact it has done quite the opposite on all accounts. Prior to the computer Andy had no trouble splicing film, shooting photos on film, hell, he even painted on canvas (no, he didn’t stretch it himself, Andy is not archaic, just old fashioned). Now he feels as though every time he shuts his computer down he will find some new glitch to consume the next day when he decides to start it back up. I tell him it is his Computer Karma, he rolls his eyes, which only pisses off his Computer Karma even more. Wouldn’t you get mad if you were flicking someone on the nose all day long and they just refused to believe you even existed. That would piss me off. I would flick harder, so would Andy. So why he doesn’t believe me is beyond me. It makes perfect sense. But andyway, because of his experience with the computer Andy has come to believe that anything invented since 1950 has not been thoroughly tested and needs further research, so now he is reluctant to try new things. Victrola, great invention. DVD player, seriously what is with all the menus and why can’t he just push play the moment he pops in the DVD? Really why? No one reads the FBI warning, even when they have to wait for it.
A further example. Andy has penned several volumes of material that he is quite satisfied with in his books and journals. Unfortunately many people ask for it to be typed up. Though the typewriter was a perfectly sufficient device, someone decided it lacked editing capabilities, thus rendering it obsolete. Andy is very protective and does not just let andyone read what he has written. So far he has found few he can trust. So he types it himself. I am sorry, word processes it. For lack of a better explanation than I can give, I present the following. Andy emailed himself a short, 75 word paragraph he had written once and upon retrieving it found that it was 3791 pages of the following:
:¢∞ñ2ôù2 –ÒM„„†âele–ÊU∑(Wy~’„‘ O±´ƒ]}¢’ˇÔÌõ¶7¯‡Õ€ÄéŒD»∆;™ÙﬔõÃÿ”)8é2&y ¢X”—hyãGÇo=øZ4 â¯wß
What does this all mean? No really, Andy can’t remember what he wrote, what does this mean?
As I began to list all the things Andy has found fault in in his lifetime, suddenly I found a common link, they all have a computer somewhere in there makeup. The automobile: if it wasn’t perfect to begin with, why add a non-perfect computer to it to fix it? Doesn’t that seem like you are just asking for more trouble? Seriously people, consult Andy before you do andything, he knows of what he speaks. Digital photography. Have you ever erased an entire roll of film? Not likely, its really hard to get those metal ends off the film canister. By the time you get a good grip on them you realize, hey, I am going to ruin this roll of film before I get into the darkroom. The telephone. What was wrong with a land line in your home? Why do we need to call each other all the time just to find out that we aren’t really doing anything important? Makes us feel less important to just point it out all the time. At least when we were home you knew exactly where we were and most likely that we weren’t doing anything important, or why would we have answered. The modem. Seriously, if the phone/cable company can’t get someone who knows what they are doing when we call, well, Andy cancelled his internet service months ago. Really, I don’t know why you are even reading all this. Andy is more than likely to realize this is all run by a computer sooner or later. I can’t promise this will last forever. Get all the Andy while you can.