It is true – I have Cattle

Yes, Andyfan has outted me. I have cattle. I am very often late to places because of my cattle. (Especially in the morning. Cattle cause lots of problems in the morning.) I don’t talk much about this. My cattle are very special to me. I don’t want to share it with people. There are very few people who even know. (Thanks a lot Andyan!) But now that the cow is out of the bag… I will admit it. It is true. I will spare the details. Only that one of the cows has a spot on it that looks like my favorite hat. I call him ‘Hatsy’. He’s a bit smaller than the others. The story behind the cattle is pretty funny. It has ALMOST nothing to do with all the time I spent in Texas (but it sure helped my stature there) yet it is connected to my high school Nickname ‘Admiral Udder” (which I am still known as in a few circles) but not in the way you think. 

As I am very busy, I do not get to see them as much as I would like. So other people have to watch them for me. I like when other people do things for me. I am told that my lack of webernet access at night and on weekends cause problems with my cattle. I do not understand this. 1) Cows don’t work the interweb. They do not have thumbs. And mine especially would be trained to NOT work on the interweb because it just causes stress and eyes to twitch. Did you ever see a cow’s eye twitch? It’s not pretty. And 2) well, damn, I forgot what 2 was. Probably from the stress of being on the interweb.

Now, I may have said this already, (it doesn’t mean enough for me to go back a paragraph and check) I do not talk about my cattle to most people. When people ask me I usually tell them it’s a rumor. I’m not sure what I will say now that I have admitted it. Maybe I will say I was joking. I’m not sure. But I ask you, if you are reading this, please let it go. Please do not ask. It takes away from the pleasure I get from raising them. 

Andy Yes, Andyfan. I do have pigs. I have lots of animals you don’t know about.

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