Well John Ford Did!

Posted by AndyFan: Andy has many a times (Where did that phrase come from? Why is it “a times”? Why not just “many times”?). OK, many a times I have overheard (what is overheard? Didn’t you just hear it? Did someone say it again? Or did you hear it over a bucket?). Alright, many a times I have overheard Andy retelling a situation that seems to happen time and again (think we covered that already), especially in Hollywood. Most particularly with directors. Andy may not be Steven Spielberg, at least not yet (well, he is not going to become Steven Spielberg, that is just scientifically impossible, at least if you believe in science that is) but he knows a thing or two about directing. In fact he knows more than a thing or two about directing. His knowledge of directing can only be quantified with the following example. Take all of the useless facts that Andy has crammed inside that modestly sized noggin, factor in his skill for squeezing tens times more stuff into his car and home than should physically be possible (see why you shouldn’t believe in science, it’s not always right, just ask Andy), then put those both together with his passion for Dunkin Donuts coffee (and donuts) topped with his udder frustration for lazy coffeeless bearing waitresses in coffee shops, multiply it times like a quatrillion and you have Andy The Director—well versed in the history of the craft, willing to go above and beyond the call of duty, puts in his last drop of dedication and can not stand when those who are hired to work do not want to do their jobs. With that I give you the following scenario, compiled from many a years of overhearings.

Andy: (SCREAMING) Well John Ford did!

Apathetic Cast, Crew, or Producer: Well, you’re not John Ford.

Andy: I know I am not! I am Andy Pagana! If you wanted John Ford you should have called him! But you didn’t! You hired me! So sit down, shut up and do what I say! That is what you do! You do what the director says! I am the director! Do what I say!

Apathetic Cast, Crew, or Producer: Can we still get John Ford?

Andy: None of you are hot enough to ask that question!


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