In My Other Life
Posted by AndyFan: Yes, I have another life. I won’t talk about it here, because, well, this is Andy’s life and what’s that got to do with my other life? I will just say that I have been consumed with all sorts of who knows what in this other life. Basically things that keep me away form Andy, which makes Andy sad. And when he gets sad, Serious Andy sends out Angry Andy and the two of them conspire to confuse me and my other life. In the end I feel bad because I have been ignoring Andy, and ignoring Andy is always bad. I repeat, ignoring Andy is very, very bad.
I often wonder if this is like a comic book, and I am Andy’s sidekick. So, while I know his private Bruce Wayne to your public Andy Pagana, I don’t know who the hell I am in this other life, because who remembers Robin’s name when he isn’t Robin. Is it Dick something? Really, who came up that name. They don’t have enough working against them with the whole tights thing that they couldn’t go with a more manly name. My apologies to all Richards out there, but don’t shorten it and expect to not get a chuckle. But then I remember that Andy is more Superman than Batman. So I can’t even be old Alfred, waiting on him hand and foot. Superman doesn’t have an accomplice, I mean assistant. Though I do believe that Andy would let me be his Alfred and forgo the rules of Superman if I waited on him hand and foot.
I have so far not been able to not talk about my other life in this post about my other life and how I shouldn’t talk about it here. But there is good Andy reason for this. I found kryptonite. Yesterday I was in my local Hall of Books and was looking through a free donation bin. A little girl walked up and handed me a book, about OWLS!! I am not quite sure what to do. At first I thought Andy was just being paranoid, we’ll cover Paranoid Andy later, this is already longer than it needs to be. But then I thought, if I open the book, it may be like Pandora’s Bo(x)ok and the owls would then be after me. So I ditched the book under the back seat of my car and forgot about it. I didn’t even tell Andy.
So in my other life, the one I shouldn’t talk about here, I went on a business trip today and traveled to New York City. I was getting ready to leave when I looked out and was stunned. Amidst all the AC vents and odd workings of the buildings was an owl. An effing OWL! It was the same color as the rusty vents, hiding there watching me as I went about my morning. It wasn’t real, and I didn’t have a camera to prove this sighting, but I swear this happened. The owl was real, just not alive. In case that wasn’t clear. It was a warning, to who I don’t know. There was a squirrel ten feet away and a pigeon on the owl’s head. I don’t know what else the owl would scare away, except Andy, who I oddly have not heard from at all today. Please tell me someone has spoken to Andy today.